>>Ride crabmonster like a mechanical bull

Before you can begin to wonder what a mechanical bull is, the beast beneath you begins to wildly thrash about in a desperate attempt to throw you off of its back as the manmade cavern slowly but surely collapses around you!

In its attempt to knock you loose, it fails to notice the giant crab that Eik recently decommissioned! It trips, sending you both tumbling backwards…

…and ever-so-softly bumps into the even-less-stable-than-before stone pillar.

…okay calm down

if you don’t move the support might hold

OH CALAMITY!

In what seems like an instant, the supports have come undone and the chamber has caved in, burying both you and the crab monster in an avalanche of planks and rock. Our poor hero has been crushed! Oh woe betide us, what ever shall become of the village without him? Why did you even bother with this comic if the protagonist just gets killed off on page 19!? Better start writing an angry e-mail and --

Oh, wait! Aside from a minor concussion, you are perfectly fine! As always, your morbidly oversized head of hair has saved the day, cushioning the incredible weight of the rocky roof, and protecting you and your goblin friend’s delicate skeletons. Who needs airbags when you’ve got hairbags!

Wait, what's that...? Oh for -- Is that another strange and ominous noise?

You turn toward the source of the sound. It seems you and your back-accessory are not the only survivors. Before you can freak out about the fact that the crab monster still seems to not be defeated, even after all that, you realise the sound isn’t at all like the guttural roaring you have come to expect from this dreadful decapod. It sounds as if it’s trying to... speak?

Carefully, you shuffle along towards the crushed crustacean, and you realise something else that seems odd. It looks like it has something in its mouth…?

Slowly and carefully, you pry open the beast’s massive maw to get a closer look.

Gadzooks! Why, the thing in its mouth, it’s… It’s….

It’s just some old geezer.

Huh.

“Woah, woah there, son! Aheh, okay! Ya got me!” the old man exclaims, “Ah’m not really a crab monstah!”

You are most puzzled indeed! You demand an explanation from the strange crab man. Who is he? What’s he doing here? What’s with the crabs?
And why does he talk like that in a world based on Norse mythology?

“Gods and gosh dangit, ya ruined everythin’, kid! Ah had the perfect plan, ah was set fer life!”

..What?

“Y'see boy, ah’ve been livin’ in these caves dang near all mah life! Ah was sick o’ society! Moved to these here caves! Ah was doin’ alright, too, nabbin’ this ‘n’ that from whatever them Goblins brought in ta survive... but ah wanted more! It’s borin’ in here, a feller needs a little luxury in his old age!”

“Luckily fer me, the crabs in this cave turned huge one day! Don’t ask me why, ah haven’t the faintest idea; Ah jus’ woke up one mornin’ and they was big! Even back when they was tiny, the crabs always did take a shine ta me - jus’ got a way with animals, ah guess! Heheh! So ah trained 'em, y'see! Taught 'em how to follow mah orders!”

“Ah got the idea ta make a suit outta some of the crabs that were already killed by them Gobbos fer food, an’ started actin' all high and mighty at 'em! They’re dumb lil’ things, thought ah was a god! They started handin’ me all this treasure 'n’ food to stop me from sendin’ ma crabs at 'em! Why yessir ah was livin’ the good life…”

“…And ah woulda gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddlin’ kids, and that goblin!!!”

You’re not entirely sure what part your prospective pet had in all this.

Well, that certainly didn’t go the way you thought it would, but you’ve done it! You’ve stopped the Gobbos and gotten the Crabs.

…Now to just think of what to do about this crazy old hermit, and get out of these caves! It reeks to the high heavens of crab in here.